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Anhedonia : a profound loss of pleasure in things you used to enjoy.

We’d always go down the footy Saturday.

Watch the match and get lashed.

We were tight-shouting, slapping each other, laughing.

We felt like our own team, bonded by having a bloody good time.

Releasing our pent up anger and frustration at our otherwise crumby and featureless lives.

So then, Saturdays were different.

We were a crew

We belonged

We shouted

Mouthing off the worst insults we could think of to the referee.

But bit by bit I stopped shouting at the referee so much.

It didn’t have the same heart or thrill anymore.

I looked at my mates, same as ever, remembering stuff to be scrutinised,

later over lots of lager. And they would be excited, win or lose to do the ‘post mortem’.

Then I didn’t laugh like my mates,

and when I did, I wasn’t laughing in my insides.

I still went to the football, but it wasn’t the end of my world when the enemy scored or ecstasy if we did.

I’d never say to the boys,

but I don’t think I care that much anymore.

I felt so numb and stale.

An outsider looking in and not understanding what I saw.

I was confused.

What’s happening to you, you miserable twaz!

That’s what Rick said and I thought, maybe he is trying to help,

because I was a miserable twazzer.

I felt like my spirit had turned and left me, and nothing grabbed me now.

Not even the football.

It seemed, for a long time I went along with the mates,

and I stood but didn’t make noise anymore.

Their excitement was excruciating to me, because I wasn’t part of it now.

I felt like an interloper on their fun.

What was wrong with me? Look at them, I’ve known them since school,

they are my friends and confidants

but I can’t explain this to them. I don’t understand it myself.

I see no hope, and this, and this hopeless echo inside starves me.

A poem made by Sarah (LEAP member)

Song about anhedonia called "No Joy" 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-YWoVuqtp0

A poster made by Amy (LEAP member) 

A poem made by Amy (LEAP member)

Photography by © Julian Harrison (LEAP Member)

Photography by © Julian Harrison (LEAP Member)

Photography by © Julian Harrison (LEAP Member)

Photography by © Julian Harrison (LEAP Member)

Photography by © Julian Harrison (LEAP Member)

Photography by © Julian Harrison (LEAP Member)